In today's world, there are few vegetables as influential as the potato. Scholars and peasants alike are mystified by its seemingly inexhaustible utility, a quality that has seen its inclusion in a myriad of dishes, in just as many cuisines. This ubiquitous use is attributed to its unique ability to absorb flavour, while still imparting its own subtle essense. Recently however, some concerned researchers have begun to question whether this quality is truly beneficial to society. Intrigued, I felt it was my duty to look into the matter, and throw my hat into the ring of controversy surrouding this curiously common comestible.
I began my search for answers at one of the largest potato farms in the United States of America, Scuddy Spudrucker's Potato Plantation. I met Mr. Spudrucker himself for a chat. He appeared smiling, genial, and welcomed me in for coffee and hash-browned potatoes. The fare was incredibly good, and the happy farmer explained to me that they had absorbed the flavour of the butter they had been cooked in. His grin dropped almost imperceptably when I asked, "how much butter?" Waving away the question, he responded with his own, "Who doesn't like butter?" He had a point, but I was still concerned. I made a note to follow up on my inquiry at a later date.
After a lengthy lecture about the future of the spud farming business, Mr. Spudrucker tucked some potatoes into my pockets, and ushered me out the door. "Gratis" he said, still smiling. I was left with data and figures swimming through my mind, information about how profitable industry was, and how important it was to the future of America's agricultuarl independence. Yet I couldn't shake the concerns I had: Exactly how much butter had I injested, cooked into those two small potato-hash patties? I decided to meet my friend Professor Smielborg at the lab downtown, to see if he could help me answer my questions.
Smielborg had his eye buried in a microscope when I entered the room. Some things never change, I thought to myself, thinking of the weedy first-year I had befriended at college, all those years ago. He grunted as he accepted the small sample of the hash-brown I had smuggled out of Spudrucker's, hidden in a napkin. Placing it under the microscope, he took a look, and shifted over, offering me to take a gaze through the glass myself. I had no idea what I was looking at, so I merely raised my eyebrows, and turned to my friend to await his comment. What he said next would shock me.
It turned out that there was more butter than potato in the sample I had given to him! And, as the professor reminded me, that was after a lot of the fat had been absorbed by the napkin (as evidenced by the large oilstain I was only just noticing). It didn't take long for Smielborg to explain to me that this wasn't a rare phenomenon. Potatoes are very high in starch, which, it turns out, is fantastic at oil absorption. Actually, that seems to be the purpose of starch, culinarily speaking. Although other carbohydrates, such as rice or noodles, absorb oils, or essences, from a dish, potatoes have the highest starch content, and so have the highest absorbtion rate. I thanked my friend for the elucidating conversation, and excused myself to ponder the significance of my discovery.
Humans love fat, phisiologically. I knew that. After years of struggling to find enough nutrients, our bodies have developed a penchant for grease. It tells us that we are well-nourished, and everything from our tastebuds to our endorphins reward us for it. Was this the reason why french fries were so popular? Is it a cheap way to trick ourselves into thinking we are eating fatty meat? Are trendy vegetarians fooling their bodies by eating faux-flesh? Is the poor-quality hamburger from McDonalds being supplemented by cheap starch, stuffed with cheaper oil? My gut, pun intended, told me so.
Thinking further about this, I couldn't help but wonder if this process was becoming more pronounced as food technology advanced. Were scientists, right now, working on creating genetically enhanced potatoes - modified to absorb more oil while retaining its 'fluffiness'? What is the long term effect this is having on our global culture, a culture more and more rapidly embrasing the idea of 'fast' - fast fashion, fast foods - is it all a reflection of our 500-year fling with the bastard potato?1
After digesting these thoughts, I went to visit my friend Georges Leclerc, a noted food critic, to share with him my ideas and and ask him for his opinion. I was meeting him at the "Beau Louis" restaurant for dinner, and what I hoped would be a scintillating conversation. I was not disappointed.
"Sacre cour!"2 Leclerc couldn't hold back his expression, once I had explained my suspicions to him. "But it is true!" I watched as my friend took a few moments to gather himself before continuing, tears still streaming down his face. He explained to me that it was a secret shame, but that he as well had harboured such thoughts as mine. Still more shameful was that he believed his countrymen were to blame. "Just look at what has become of French cuisine - we used to make bisques3 and broths4 but now everything is confit, confit, confit!5 And all because of this, this patate bâtarde!"
After composing himself, my good friend thanked me for shedding light on such a difficult subject for him. "Only now can the healing begin," he explained, "thank you for giving voice to the truth I had so much repressed until this day." He promised that he would be silent no longer, and swore to pursue the matter to the highest court of French public opinion. Wishing him the best of luck, and promising to do my part as well, we parted. I walked home, and as I passed the food trucks all along main street, an icy wind chilled my ears, carrying with it also, the subtle smell of french fries.
Now that I have completed my researches, I leave the matter to the reader, as an agent for the change in their own right. I am perfectly convinced that potatoes have had, and continue to have, a negative impact on our society. Due to their being a simple vessel for salt and oil, they have had an undue influence on the culinary world, and on our lives in general. Think of the obesity epidemic, the lost refinement that would have accompanied having many different side-dishes to choose from, instead of just, potato, potato, potato. Think carefully on this, the next time you are asked to answer the question:
"Do you want fries with that?"
1What we know today as a potato, as opposed to a sweet potato, was known as a bastard potato until it reached wider consumption in the 16th century.
2Sacred heart! - a French expression with a meaning similar to "my goodness"
3bisque - a type of thick cream soup
4broth - a savoury liquid made from water in which meat and vegetables have been boiled
5confit - the process of cooking food in fat, grease, or oil